Stardew Valleyhas a huge range of weapons for players to use as they slice through monsters in the Mines or defend themselves in a rush to the bottom of the Skull Caverns. Clubs, daggers, swords, and slingshots can all be equipped with different buffs and powers. As of update 1.6, players now have an even larger selection to pick from, includinga set of weapons from almost every marriage-eligible character in Pelican Town. Before 1.6 came out, these weapons were in the code ofStardew Valley, but were unavailable anywhere for players to unlock.
At the Desert Festival, which now takes place over the course of a few days in Spring, Villagers from Pelican Town will set up shop to sell special items. Ten of the romanceable NPCs willsell a special weapon at their booth, themed to their personality.All of these weapons have roughly the same stats, but hilariously range from actual medieval maces to pencils. Emily and Shane are the only two NPCs to not offer a weapon, which is truly a missed opportunity for Shane to sell some sort of chicken-themed sword.
10Abby’s Planchette
A Supernatural Dagger
While very fitting to her personality, the planchettedoesn’t seem like the best weapon to bring down to the Minesor Skull Caverns. Used to summon spirits with a ouija board, the planchette is the tool that spells out what a ghost wants to say, which makes it a strange item to use against the manyghosts and undead that roam the levelsbelow ground.
Abigail’s planchette is mentioned earlier in her eight-heart event, which makes it a very fun item to see available for purchase later on. This item might fit Abby’s personality, but itseems mean to use to stab ghosts to deathwhen maybe they just want to talk.
9Maru’s Wrench
A Basic Tool From A Brilliant Mind
The weapon offered by Maru at the Desert Festival is straightforward, simple, and functional, which truly matches her personality very well. Unfortunately, it’s alsoa slightly boring weapon compared to what other potential spouses offer. Using a wrench to bash dragons and crabs to death is fairly comical, but it doesn’t seem as inspired as using a curling iron or a pencil.
Instead of a wrench, Maru could’ve inventedsome sort of special mechanized sword that eliminates enemieswith maximum efficacy. For the character that invented a sentient robot, using a simple wrench is a bit of a let down.
8Penny’s Fryer
Another Basic Weapon Option
Like Maru, Penny’s weapon offering seems uninspired, as it’s just a simple frying pan with some leftover cooking gunk inside. While it does invoke Rapunzel’s weapon of choice fromTangled,the weapon doesn’t give an insight into the core of Penny’s personality. That may be because Penny is one of the romanceable characterswithout a strong core trait beyond being nice, which isn’t a bad thing, but may have led to her having a less-than-exciting weapon.
7Alex’s Bat
Take The Game To The Mines
Like most of his events and conversations, Alex’s weapon is related to sports. At his Desert Festival booth,Alex offers a baseball bat that’s said to be dented by his famous Grand Slam. The Grand Slam isn’t mentioned anywhere else inStardew Valley, but one can presume it’s a special move Alex uses to secure victory.
As a weapon,a bat is very fun to take into the Mines and bap enemies with. Its simple nature makes it funny to use against supernatural monsters like mummies and dragons, which brings it up in the ranking towards the middle of the pack.
6Sam’s Old Guitar
Make Music While Slaying Monsters
Like Alex, Sam’s weapon is tied to his favorite hobby, specifically his love of music. Rather than a sturdy baseball bat,Sam sells an old acoustic guitar for players to smack monsters with. This is objectively a funny item to use to kill enemies with, especially when one considers the noises the guitar would make upon impact with a slime or cave fly.
What makes Sam’s Old Guitara good weapon is just how impractical it is. Realistically, an old wooden guitar would shatter after a few hits, so Sam selling it for continued use is both bone-headed and completely in character for him.
5Harvey’s Mallet
Medical Malpractice, Maybe?
Fit for his medical background, Harvey sells a doctor’s mallet as his weapon at the Desert Festival. Normally, mallets are used by doctors in routine check-ups to test reflexes, like by gently tapping the knee to make someone kick. Abnormally,Harvey’s Mallet is a gigantic monster of a weaponfit for obliterating enemies in the Mines.
The mild-mannered doctor bringing out a mallet the size of Thor’s hammer for poor old George’s check-ups is such a funny image, andthe comical size of Harvey’s Mallet compared to what doctors actually usemakes this one of the better spouse weapons.
4Elliott’s Pencil
The Pencil Is Just As Mighty As The Sword
Elliott’s weapon speaks to the core of his personality: his passion for writing. At his booth, alongside a tricorn hat, ink, and a crab,Elliott sells a sharp pencil as a dagger for playersto stab their enemies with. This pencil isn’t unique looking, it’s a standard yellow pencil with a pink eraser and lead tip, which makes it an especially silly item for Elliott to sell givenhis love of real duck feather quills.
His entire personality is about being old-fashioned, from his outfits to his dialogue to the typewriter in his beachside hut. Having a simple, standard pencil for players to shank monsters with is somehow both in-character and out of character for Elliott, which makes his pencil a very amusing weapon to use.
3Leah’s Whittler
A Real Weapon To Fight With
Of all the spouse weapons, Leah’s looks the most like a standard sword. Described as a tool for shaping her wood carvings, Leah sells a whittler, a type of curved knife commonly used in the hobby. Leah’s weapon is, of all the spouse weapons,the best suited for actually slaying monsters in the Mines. While its stats are the same as the other spouse’s weapons in the sword category, Leah’s Whittler is the one someone heading underground would actually choose for slashing through their enemies.
2Haley’s Iron
Good Style Can Be Deadly
The most in-character of all the spouse weapons may very well be Haley’s Iron, a curling iron that’s described in-game as being hot and still smelling like Haley’s hair. While probably not very well-suited for swinging at monsters,this curling iron is so incredibly in-character for Haley to selland the idea of a still-hot iron as a weapon is delightful.
Haley’s style and interest in fashion are well representedthrough this choice of weapon, which puts it near the top of the list, especially since using a curling iron to mow down monsters is so fun.
1Seb’s Lost Mace
Medieval Weaponry From Out Of Nowhere
The best weapon for taking on the Mines, and the funniest spouse weapon, is Seb’s Lost Mace. The description reveals thatthis weapon is a replica of a medieval mace, which apparently Sebastian collects in his free time. This hobby is never mentioned anywhere else inStardew Valley, which makes it both completely random and strangely in character for Sebastian.
His love of Dungeons and Dragons and his general nerdy personality makes an interest in medieval history easy to accept, andthe cool factor of bringing a whole medieval mace to battle monstersmake this the best spouse weapon inStardew Valley.
